So as I sort thru old texts to be posted later, I just have to say, my father is such a fucking liar. I catch him in a lie, and he just denies it with another lie. There’s only one way to fix a liar, and that is complete transparency.
My father hates who I am. My father is a chronic liar and mentally ill. I understand that to some extent I merely sound like a bitter son, and I am. Regardless, the point still remains, that a son should be able to trust the word of his father. ….Yet he fills my head with false hope, waiting on a sexual response from his wife. He’ll talk a good game like he’s so macho, but at his core he is desperately afraid to be alone.
His mental illness surfaces in his codependent relationships with women. Outside of being a black male in this fallen society, his mental illness also stems from his lack of maternal nurturing. Therefore he is weak and overcompensates in his romantic affairs. His situation may sound “normal,” yet it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
I have a mentally ill co-dependent father, please advise. I am a disabled gay male, and my step-mother is taking advantage of my father’s desperate codependency, and thereby is financially sabotaging my health.
I was emotionally and psychologically abused throughout the majority of my life. It’s a “cinder-fella” story: As the step-son, I am the escape goat for any family conflict. Constantly targeted by my half brothers, their mother (and inadvertently by my father,) they wait for any excuse to call me crazy. Yet, internalization of such traumatic experiences is what caused my stuttering, emotional, and therefore psychological dysfunction. Also, anytime I spoke up for myself I was out of line.
He will displace his mental illness onto me, including but not limited to trying to have myself committed and psychiatrically evaluated. Inevitably targeting and destroy my very existence. My father doesn’t accept me, because he doesn’t accept himself. He can’t love others properly, because he doesn’t truly love himself. He only pretends to like the inflated reflection of himself that he sees in me. Only to target and destroy my eccentricities. Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.
He labels me “psychotic” because he always promises to leave, but doesn’t. Recently we were sitting together and he said “I haven’t seen anything crazy about you, son.” Then, throughout the following days he attacked me with words, using his Father-authoritiy to ensue more psychological and emotional abuse. I personally can’t internalize anymore pain, so when I speak up- I’m labeled “crazy” and “out of line,” and he calls the police to have me removed. Leaving me homeless. Never his other children, just me. He forces a reaction out of me, then all of a sudden I’m “psychotic.”
My father is an emotional manipulator that I’m dumb enough to repeatedly trust, because everyone needs their roots. Any “psychosis” from myself is caused by his emptiness and lies and of me being targeted. At what point can I claim self-defense? Everytime I’m attacked by my stepfamily, my dad acts like we’re leaving together… Then he calls the cops on me, it never fails. He swears he loves me, yet he makes excuses by blaming mine and my late-mother’s existence, and he never changes.
His desperate overcompensation calls me ungrateful because I no longer accept his abusive family life. I tell him, “You don’t get to decide who my family is. You don’t get to force me to speak to people who don’t like me anyhow. You don’t get to force hateful people on me. You don’t get to sacrifice me to them while you overcompensate. You don’t get to apologize if you do the same shit.” A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. He abuses me on purpose. He is abusive to himself.
Thru attempting to positively channel my traumatic life experiences thru art and dance, I’ve now fractured/broken my neck. He doesn’t understand that just like my stuttering, my neck is a reflection of his hatred. And at such a critical time in my life, my home should be with my father. Yet he can’t seem to handle his own psychosis so he punishes me by denying my existence or paying extended stay hotels to keep me away. He bashes me with his wallet, for it’s his only sense of self worth. He’ll substitute presents for presence, which isn’t what I need. He can’t buy his way into heaven, he actually has to change.
Darkness targets light. I’m no-one’s enemy, I’m just an easy target. His inner confliction is his own enemy. He passes it to his children. There’s plenty of room in his home for me to recover from surgery, yet I’m not allowed in his house because his family doesn’t accept me, and it’s his “job” to comply with their demands. Therefore inadvertently saying to me “As your father, I don’t want you either.” His typical formula of excuses are as follows: Deny & Ignore by burying his head in the sand with busy work and his shit marriage. He’s a retired postal employee, he technically doesn’t have to do anything anymore. Yet, still is making terrible choices.
He’ll say to me “I don’t want to be taking care of you my whole life.” By just subtracting some words he’s actually saying “I don’t want you.” Besides, the current financial crisis was left to us by prior generations, by “passing the buck,” Boomers falsely blame Millennials for our lack of finances- but that’s another story…. I had my first job at age 14. I am a multitalented artist, I could’ve been well on my way if he’d listened, rather than molding me into his own reflection.
My father’s mentality, although retired, is still a slave of a capitalist society by using it’s same tactics used to marginalizing the minority in his family. My father has promised to leave his life insurance policy to me (because I’m poverty ridden and my birth mother’s relatives don’t treat me much better.). For 2 years he promised that we would leave together seeking an apartment for $800. Then he said just an apartment for me for $500, then it marginalized to $300 in attempts to move me in with his in-laws (dangerous for me.) Now he says I’ll be homeless again soon because ‘I deserve it,’ he gave away all his money again. (because I’m poverty ridden and my birth mother’s relatives don’t treat me much better.) Then, (2) funds narrowed to he’d just buy me an apartment for myself at approx. $500. Then, (3) funds narrowed to $300 and he attempted to move me in with his in laws (which dangerous.) He’s desperately codependant and give alls his money away. She’s playing the victim and tricked him into thinking that he must protect his family from me, so the presence and threat of his gun is always near.
While apartment searching, my father told me not to room with a transexual because “they are drama queens.” Drama is everywhere, that’s like saying not to room with blacks because “blacks are lazy.” My father is a prejudice, lying, manipulative, conservative, asshole. Behind every bully is insecurity. My father is a hurt little boy. He’s been desperately remarried for 30 years, but no matter how many times a lie is repeated- it’s still a lie. Once a mistress, ALWAYS a mistress. My stepmother took advantage of a MARRIED man. His marriage is shit. Always has been. I’ve seen it first hand. The burden he feels is caused by his own denial. In a codependent relationship, my father thinks he’s a savior. He’s certain that he’s the best person for the job because he “loves and understands her.” But she doesn’t want saving, she is resistant to his help only loyal to her mother June Florence), and acts like she cares but then continually sabotages all his efforts….. Lately I’ve been thinking of how much my biological mother loved my father because, like me, at least she was confrontational to his face. Rather than compliant and manipulative behind his back like his current wife.
My father also voted for Bevin.
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